Mayonnaise Chronicles

by Calvary Kevlar Cavalry

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A concept album following the story of young JT on his journey that is eating mayonnaise out of his girlfriends buttox, which eventually leads to a crippling obsession with the stuff.

Come along for the ride of a life time! And this time, it's fat free!


released October 18, 2010

Recorded mostly in the months of May, June, September, and October of 2010 at the Ranch.

Lyrics/Melodies/Vocals on "Inches" by Mitch Young

a guitar on "So Fabled" by Damon Baltuska

all others by Martin Swank

album cover by



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independent women Kansas City, Kansas

martin swank + a room & recently cats


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Track Name: Soot Suit
i was sent here on a roller coaster out of nowhere
remember light in the ground or around us in binary negative
lifting above and between re-vaporizing everything
and back into dust as a moon beam shone through to illuminate all of us

ii can't laugh
i think ii can i.
i can can't i?
i can.
Track Name: Inches with Mitch Young
I can't predict the things that chang as I get older.
I can't forget the things that make me Young.
The system changes for the taming of disorder,
And takes me trailing tightly by the tongue.
Inches from the sun.

I want to learn the silence of our fathers.
I want to put our mothers to the test.
To settle scores even when we're outnumbered
And pierce their fearless leaders through their chests.
Inches from their death.

I go to work and make a little money.
I spend it all on bills and drinks and gas.
The grocery stores are filled with milk and honey.
How our elders must have dreamt this in the past.
Inches from their grasp.

They say I'm a settlement because everywhere that I've been always crawls into my bones.
My thoughts are sedatives, but only compelling if I destroy all that I own. But I won't cause I'm in love..........
Track Name: Fun Family
will bill ever really walk again?
his legs are built like broth
and his stories are crippling.
i heard mother calling him
from a bullhorn in the bathroom.
i am afraid the hill is too big
i don't even think the sound got to him.

sister shelly is out back
fantasizing on a rocky mountain swing set
and the neighbors are upset.

she needs a therapist,
so she insists.
doesn't seem to me that
that's what she needs
bouncing on that trampoline
so free and so high.

sister shelly is out back
fantasizing a rocky mountain sunset
and the neighbors are obsessed.

grandmothers molasses cookies
there in the orange bin
with some coffee to dip them in
Track Name: Residual Family
if i committed a crime i'd tell you once and i'd split the scene.
of course, it's not the hipster invasion to which i'm referring to
or..i'm not referring to

where is your culture,
where is your mind?

are those really glasses?
you aren't fooling anyone.

give me something real here, brother.
i'm just trying to be a decent human being

tying me up won't make you any more free
a choked choral remedy
"please repost my copy-pasted platform. and don't forget! YOU WILL VOTE FOR ME"

....time vampire fungi expiring etc leading to..and then leading to...
Track Name: Time Vampire
i'm time
will not
no time
you fly away
Track Name: Lawyers Shuffle
kingdom, phylum, class, order

lazy days in hyper-space
the synchronizing human race
is speeding towards infinity,
forgetting our simplicities
off setting old realities.

kingdom, phylum, class, order

lazy days decaffeinates
delivering tectonic plates
hypnotized reality
becomes unlike divinity
swallowing bad dream diary
and getting lost
Track Name: Bill Crudup
the reflection of you
on the back of my guitar
as you walk in between it
and the television while you're
vacuuming the carpet
i see you starting to dance
a most forgettable number.
well i'm stuck gazing anyway.
can't help but recalling
when i look past your shuffle
how the walls of your apartment
are a terrible green in the day,
my sweet jalepeno.
how they ooze in the evening
making us stick to the couch.
sometimes i wish they were purple
because, man i'd like to get out.

being here with your for too long bends my mind up;
i hung your frames up on the roof

california dreaming
wild avocado
whimsical ride
right off the shingles,
plopped onto my side

being here with your for too long bends my mind up.
been in here with you far too long Billy Crudup.

i heard the braves suck, rendezvous?

some apparent dreaming
i can't remember,
drinking wine
Track Name: So Fabled
how far,
how far from the floor
is what surrounds
and rounds at the wall?

here i am
so fabled
in mine mind
going around
just fucked

fire him
tell him that i let him
fear a little loss
feeling lost among them